I wouldn't want to take it back

She looked at me and said something like „OK, nobody wanted to work on you for fear they could break some of your bones, so I'll try.“

She was a physiotherapist, pretty inexperienced as she was only 23, I was a poor patient freshly diagnosed with frozen shoulder and osteoporosis. I couldn't move my left arm which was not only painful but also annoying because something like frozen shoulder keeps you from many ordinary activities like driving your car or putting your shirt on. When you can't rise your hand higher then to your breast level and are unable to move it behind your back there are many limitations. I was afraid I could be crippled this way for the rest of my life and this girl just gave me some hope.

It has been right nine years since we met first. Feels like as it was yesterday. At the beginning we saw each other two or three times a week and my therapy proceeded well. We chatted all the time and once when I coudn't come as a got stuck at my work, she told me “I missed you.” I missed her as well but I didn't tell her anything about my feelings. I was twice as older as she was in those days and I found myself way too old to hit on someone this young so I tried to curb my feelings. But I felt that my relation with her was more then a mere liking. Four months had passed I my shoulder became completely healed. Then the time came for our last session. Instead of therapy we were just sitting and talking, feeling mutual attachment more then ever before. The one important thing was hanging in the air but remained unspoken. Suddenly, our session was over, I said to her “I'll send you a Christmas card, OK?” (it was summer) and left. I was walking ouf of the hospital feeling that something very nice but fragile was just ending and that I did the right decision to stop this young love. I fell in love and so she did but the age difference just seemed too big.

The next day she phoned me: “It is just impossible to wait till Christmas. I wanna see you right away.” So we met that evening and were sitting on a rock above the river, watching boats and stars all the night. All the unspoken was finally said. That was the day we officially started dating even though we didn't kiss that night.

So many things have happened since then. Maybe I should have said NO! that day when she had asked for our first date. But then, I would never have experienced what the true unconditional love could be like with all the joys and despairs. She's turned my life upside down. Our souls clicked as best as you can imagine but it wasn't in the cards to stay together. This time nine years ago, it was the beginning of the chain of events that still has no ending. I wonder ten times a day how is she doing. It seems impossible to forget. Nothing funny.

I've come to realization that all those beautiful and equally not-so-beautiful things that have happened within those nine years are just a part of my fate. There's only one way how to deal with it - to accept it. There are things in our lives that we can't change, as if they were prepared for us.