I've already run out of this year's luck

I was riding my bike the day after I posted last. I fell down, crashed down literally. The only thing I could and still can do is to thank God that my poor brittle bones didn't fracture. No one knows why but I suffer from osteoporosis, which is that stupid condition in which the bones become weak and are easily broken. Elderly women usually have it. I don't know why I am so lucky as I am neither as old or a woman.

Nothing got broken this time but I was terribly bruised and couldn't move my right hand fingers. That's the main reason of my silence. Typing was something out of question.

As I know I should be careful I usually ride my bike on the roads where I feel quite certain, asphalt is just my certainty. Unfortunately, in the middle of my last ride I hit the place where the road was fixed. Suddenly, the top became rough and stony and as I am really not a mountain rider I decided to continue slowly and carefully. Not enough. In a snail speed I lost my balance and fell down on the road.

In that moment my mind flashed back and I could see myself some seven years ago in the same position, unable to stand up because of my broken hip. In a second, I broke out in sweat. I realized that I fall on my hip again (in fact, on the other one). I didn't feel any pain but the feelings were awful. I tried to move and stand up. I could. What a relief! Well, I was shocked thinking about what might have happened and started to explore my wounds. The skin around the hip was really bruised and slightly bleeding as well as the skin on my shoulder but all in all nothing serious. My right hand looked much worse, the palm and some fingers above all, they began to hurt. So I tried to move all the fingers one by one, none of them seemed to be broken. So I brushed the dust from myself, bravely got on my bike again and headed home, some 25 kilometres.

When I got home I found out that I could barely walk and the worst, I couldn't move my fingers at all. Touching them was terribly painfull and both the top and the bottom of my hand got purple and swollen. Apparently, just in the moment when a was falling down I instinctively stretched my arm towards the ground which saved the day, better, saved my hip. Unfortunately, I must have hit some sharp stone that is why the hand got that cracked.
The pain was like hell and I couldn't sleep at night for couple of nights but yet I was happy that it was only a hand and not my hip. Because a broken hip is one of the most horrible things I've ever experienced and I don't want to deal with something like that again.

I've never injured any of my hands in a serious way so since now I know what it is like to be one-handed, not to be able to slice a bread or do up my shoelaces or just wash my hands properly or read a book or ride my car or tie a tie and many, many other things. Luckily, I am getting better and am even able to type. So here I am again.

I've set a goal for this year to make 1000 kilometres on my bicykle as I do every year. I only have some 50 km left. I am not sure if I have the guts to follow through. The roads are becoming more and more slippery due to autumn rains and I guess I've already run out of this year's luck.

You didn't let him finish the job in Viet Nam

Some years ago my friend and me were watching one of those Hollywood movies showing US soldiers in the Vietnam War. Can't remember the title even what that movie was about exactly, it was just the type of those rather patriotic films where the Americans were the good ones while the Vietnamese people the bad ones, of course. After watching these movies you must have been sort of baffled whether the American won or their enemies. The friend of mine was much younger then me, she was born years after that war was over, and those movies really brainwashed her into thinking that it was Viet Nam that was beaten. (The truth is we just had more history lessons about the Soviet Union then the USA in those days.) So I had to explan to her that the history was different.

She wondered why such a big and powerful country had lost. I guess, it is no need to explain now, everyone knows, better say, everyone should know because it is eye-opening experience.

Brenda from Arkansas was writing about it in her latest entry, even though her main subject was about people who know all the facts about everything best, for instance why the Americans lost the war in Vietnam.

I was talking with an older lady, man, and my mother-in-law. We were mostly just making small talk but one of them mentioned something about the war in Iraq and how they sure hoped it wouldn't turn out to be another Viet Nam. IAA uncle, who hadn't been doing anything other than his usual staring into his coffee cup, suddenly jumped up from the table and shouted, "I was there! The Viet Nam war was what it was because of YOU people, YOU protested, YOU didn't let us finish the job over there, YOU are to blame for it!"

That remark 'YOU didn't let us finish the job over there' is forcing me into thinking of all the possible chains of events. Had the Americans won then today's world would have had two Vietnams. We would have probably had another two Koreas and I guess one North Korea is more then enough. Furthermore, the Vietnam War Memorial Wall is so huge. 58,253 names.

Lovely blog written on professional basis

When I read the following some two three years ago, I just couldn't have been intact. This woman just knows how to attract others to her blog:
“My parents raised me Mormon, and I grew up believing that the Mormon Church was true. In fact, I never had a cup of coffee until I was 23-years-old. I had pre-marital sex for the first time at age 22, but BY GOD I waited an extra year for the coffee. There had better be a special place in heaven for me.”
That is what Heather B. Armstrong wrote about herself. Her blog is one of the best I've ever stumbled across, although she has made a business of it as she accepted advertisements on her site. I like her blog for her clear English and her dry sence of humor. Her regularly published letters to her daughter are really worth reading, showing that she is a loving mother, totally doting on her daughter who is pampered, sometimes spoiled.
She is quite famous as she was fired from her job because “I had written stories that included people in my workplace”.Someone even dropped few lines about her in Wikipedia.
She has always seemed to me very level-headed even though she writes about her depression every now and then. But her latest entries have proved she has to cope with some serious trouble.

„So here we are, on the other side, and Jon and I are bewildered and confused and not sure where to start picking up the pieces. We can’t shake this creepy feeling that we’ve been violated in the most disgusting way, made to fear the loss of the roof over our heads. I firmly believe that the mystery illness Jon suffered in August was a direct result of the stress he was trying to cope with, the stress of trying to remain calm and level-headed as he watched his wife collapse frequently into a sobbing heap on the floor. I have not handled this well.
I have also felt completely responsible for putting my family through this, for being the reason that our futures were jeopardized, and the guilt of that has been almost too much to live through. There have been too many moments like the ones I felt two years ago when it made sense for me to go away, made sense for me to leave because they would be so much better off without me. But unlike two years ago I can actually see how idiotic thoughts like those are.“

She didn't tell what exactly is the cause of her problems, just indicated that she was sued: “I chose not to sign a contract and was sued because of that decision.“
This sounds wierd a little, but why not. She got a huge support from her readers, I read them yesterday but all the comments sort of disappeared overnight. Maybe she was afraid that some statements could make her case worse, just harm her and that's why decided to remove them. Some of them were really offensive to the US legal system.
Well, this could be the end of this entry but something has flashed in the back of my mind. What if publishing that tearful story is just the way how to trick people into reading, just clicking on her website because the more clicks the more money for all those advertisements? I have to admit I wouldn't mind actually. It is just my nature to doubt everything and moreover there are many worse ways of making money. I'll keep reading, just for fun, just for her English, for her tenderness.

Instead of being sad and getting irritated with…

I don't know what hunger, that real long-term hunger feels like, when it is cold outside I know I can shelter myself in my cosy apartment, just have everything for a comfortable living. Yet I feel unsatisfied from time to time as everyone does from time to time, even really down, depressed as if there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
I guess this unpleasant state of mind is regular and important and maybe sort of necessary because it can make us a bit better. Partly we just need to learn to feel sadness to be able to recognize joy. These qualities belong together and can't exist without each other. And partly because one has to discover over and over again all the basic values that we are surrounded with and are accustomed to take them for granted. Sometimes it is just worth reminding yourself that they exist.
I don't say this is the only remedy for my occasional frustration but realizing all those so called for-granted things helps me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to say out loud to myself something like 'OK, you're sad but can turn your dvd player on or hang out and have coffee with your friends, call your kids or write your blog. What the hell are you complaing about? You really don't know the true meaning of misery.'
Addie, a young woman from the USA (probably), was pondering about all those values compared to her rather negative feelings. I've found it pretty sincere and sort of instructive.

- Instead of being tired of being pregnant.... realizing that God has allowed me to be a part of a miracle and I may never get to be part of that again.... my child has made it thus far and is healthy, and Im healthy... Im still getting (mostly) uninterrupted sleep and I dont have to be on a diet yet
- Instead of getting irritated with my son repeating everything 100 times in a row..... realizing that these moments with him are so precious, and will soon be gone... here I have the chance to mold another human being, what a privilege that is.... to be grateful that he is so smart and learning so much every day, and that I truly, truly love him like no other, and these last few weeks of pregnancy are some of the only times Ill have left with just him, without having to share my time
- Instead of taking my husband for granted.... realizing how truly blessed I am to have him, to really open my eyes to how much "just gets done" around the house, how he doesnt mind driving me everywhere, how he treats me like a princess and looks at me with eyes so full of love that its barely containable.... how he puts up with all this pregnancy has brought... how he is an amazing father - every.second.of.the.day, and what a wonderful example
he is setting for my son to become a man that I am proud of
- Instead of being irritated at work.... realizing that I actually do have a good job that Im good at.... that it pays for us to live a life of never wanting and excess.... how the benefits are amazing, we pay for so little to have a baby... to realize what a blessing it is to work with my mom and see her almost every day, that I may have never gotten that opportunity....

… can be detained and hold in prison indefinitely

In 1939 somene decided that my relatives became enemies. According to the new low they lost all their civil liberties, were detained and hold in military prisons (concentration camps) with no access to the legal system, without any prospect of being released. No court, no judge, no justice. The new law just marked them as enemies without basic human rights. Some of them paid the highest price for it. Just because someone came to a conclusion that they were a threat to the rest of the public.
In 2006 someone decided that according to the new low I may be mark as enemy and and can be detained and hold in military prison indefinitely with no access to the legal system without any prospect of being released, without any chance of defence. Just because someone can come to a conclusion that I may be a threat to the rest of the public.
I have to say that someting like that was just impossible even in those days of really hard communism in my country. And if anyone told me I could be treated this way without access to the court system inside the United States only because I am a non-citizen I would just laugh. In North Korea, perhaps. I am afraid there is nothing to laugh about

I've finally found someone who remembers my dad and his family

Well, driving amost 700 km was worth it. I've found my great-grandparents' grave and I've found the old lady who remembers my dad's family.
The only downside was she was preparing herself for today's eye surgery, was a bit nervous and not in the mood to sit down for some hours and talk. But she was very nice, despite her age very active and promised to reveal all she can remember after she gets over that surgery a little. She had known my dad's family before the WW2, even my father, and had spent some time with them in the concentration camp Terezin, even witnessing my aunt giving birth to her daughter there. So, it looks really hopeful and I only have to pray for her to get over her surgery well and soon. Hope, this doesn't sound too selfish… Of course, I wish her the best, she just deserve to be here as long as possible for all the horrible things she had to endure in the past.
On the tombstone there are more names than my great-grandparents. The next three ones, the aunt who survived the holocaust and moved to South America had let carve – these are the names of her parents and her sister that dindn't have the luck. Of course, this is just symbolic, really Im memoriam, as nobody knows the exact date of their death and presumably their bodies were burned and never buried. And the last names in the bottom are names of her husband's parents who also died in some of the concentration camps.
So the mosaic of my family history has become a bit more complete.