Impossible love

I stumbled across this entry the other day. It was written by a girl who depicted her feelings in a very simple yet tender confession. I could analyse every one sentence because each of them is interesting for some grammar rule. She uses different tenses, phrasal verbs, plenty of conditionals, some idioms and yet her vocabulary is not difficult. But I won´t. It would be a pity to cut it. Just read and try to detect as much grammar as you can. I myself have detected more then the grammar rules. Some of you probably know what I am talking about.

Today I opened the box I filled with the love letters Sean gave me and a few momentos of him. I know I shouldn't have opened it, but I did. I read through the letters, taking in every word of every paragraph. He wrote them with so much love and intent of what is to come. As I read further, I was imagining what it would've been like to be with him like he had said. It would've been amazing I think. He is such a good person and whoever ends up with will be the luckiest girl in the world, and I will be totally jealous of her.
Anyway I think being with him like that would be like pure happiness, the kind you only read about or see in the movies. I just wish I had told him that when it mattered. Since now it doesn't. I messed up royally.
If only I could turn back time... but then everyone probably wishes for that. I mean who wouldn't want to do that? It would make making decisions a lot easier, since you would know what is a better choice. If only, right?
Also in the box were pictures of him and I in New York. It was so much fun going there with him. I even thought of going with him in the winter to ride one of those horse carridges through Central Park. That would've been so romantic...
Next to the pictures was his class ring, that I forgot to give back to him. I still remember him giving it to me while walking me to my car. We weren't even dating then, but I assure you there was major flirting going on at the time.
Looking at all of the stuff does hurt, but it's good to look back on things, you know? It's a good refresher. I mean I would'nt have changed anything we did. I would have still told him that I liked him, even though I had a boyfriend. I would have still kissed him in that parking lot, not knowing my boyfriend was waiting at my house. And I still would have said yes to him asking me out the next day. I wouldn't have waited, because I knew how much I felt for him. Hell, I still get the butterflies when I think about him, even though we aren't together and we barely talk. I don't know why I still feel this way, even after so long. It seems as though most people get over their ex's rather quickly, but why not me? Why do I still hang on to a reality that I know won't become real? Do I love him that much to not let him go?
Before we dated, he siad that he'd wait for me and he chased after me. But now when I say that I wait for him or chase after him, it doesn't seem to have the same affect on him as it did on me. I wonder why. He really must have moved on and I am still behind him waiting in his dust. Will I ever make it to the finish line, or will I always wait, always in second?
I am not crying nor am I about to. I guess I am just confused. And I just really miss him. However I think I have gotten better. I won't say I am jumping off the walls happy, but I am happy enough not to cry or feel sad.
Even if he wants to move on and stuff, that is ok. I hope he is happy, because that is all I want for him. Maybe I may even be happy one day. However if there is ever a chance that he may love me again, I hope he tells me, because in an instant I would be with him.