Annoying taxes, some informal words and how to express the future

Well, not that I am breaking the promise, but this is really short. And it is interesting above all. A girl called herself girlyunderwear (holčičí spodní prádlo) is always provoking people mostly with sex issues but not only. She has been studying photography, has Asian origin and her vocabulary is mostly a bit over the top. But people like visiting her blog, she is accustomed to have huge feedback. This time she is upset because of her taxes. As a single person she must pay more then all the married couples and she finds it unjust.

“The way that society rewards married people versus single/non married couples is fucked. Married people get bigger tax cuts, and if they decide to bring little bastards into the world, even more. Most of my college friends are married or going to be. So I gotta spend money on them on their happy day, and then probably a shitload more once they all have kids, and they will. When the fuck do I get all that back? I'm never getting married. It's not fair.”

“The way that society rewards married people versus single/non married couples is fucked." – Způsob, jakým společnost odměňuje sezdané lidi oproti svobodným/nesezdaným párům, je na hovno.

be fucked = být prdeli, na hovno

“Married people get bigger tax cuts, and if they decide to bring little bastards into the world, even more.” – Sezdaní lidé dostávají větší daňové úlevy, a pokud se rozhodnou, že přivedou na svět malé bastardy, dokonce větší.

“Most of my college friends are married or going to be.” – Většina mých univerzitních přátel je ženatá nebo vdaná (takže prostě sezdaná) nebo hodlá být.

“So I gotta spend money on them on their happy day, and then probably a shitload more once they all have kids, and they will.” – Takže já budu utrácet peníze na ně, na jejich štěstíčko, a pak zřejmě o hodně víc, až jednou všichni budou mít děti, a oni budou.

shitload = more than a tiny bit, but less than a ton = zřejmě něco jako velká spousta, moc

Notice the using of different future tenses. They are three here.
1) “I gotta spend money” = I am going to spend money… We use “going to” to talk about a) our intentions for the future or b) prediction based on some present evidence, which is this case. She is just predicting, knowing something about taxis, that there is no way then pay and pay and pay.

2) “once they all have kids” – it is present simple, no future tense, BUT after “once” the native speakers just don't use future tenses, even if they speak about future.

3) “and they will” – we use “will” (or shell) a) to talk about predictions based on our feelings and expectations, rather then evidence in the present, b) to talk about things we see as fact in the future, c) to talk about decisions made at the moment of speaking. She sees all the future kids as a fact (b).

Knowing when exactly to use “will” and when “going to” is difficult. Many native speakers will tell you that there is no big difference, because they are not able to explain it. But they feel exactly when each of those forms needs to be used. And they really use them to express their feelings, expectations, intentions, just expres more than is being said.

“When the fuck do I get all that back?” – Kdy to do prdele dostanu všechno zpátky?

“I'm never getting married. It's not fair.” – Nikdy se nevdám. To není fér.

That is another way of expressing future without using some of future tenses. “I'm never getting…” this is present continuous that we use to talk about definite arrangements for the future where a time is stated or understood. She said “never” which is also a stated time. So present continuous is the right choice.

It's tricky, isn't it? But has anybody said that English is easy?