The soup tasted so delicious...

A young woman from New Zealand had her favorite Capsicum & Tomato Soup for luch. If she had known what was going to happen later in the day she would probably never eaten it. Not only did she call in sick but some other terrible thing happened.

„I had today off sick from work. I had the worst stomach virus (diarrhoea). I think it might have been caused by the tomato and capsicum soup I had for lunch yesterday LOL (which is a shame, as that's my favourite flavour and now I'm not going to want to eat that for awhile). To make this day even crappier (oh, bad choice of words LOL), in a mad dash to the bathroom this morning, I stepped on a piece of glass (I'd accidently dropped a glass yesterday and must have missed this huge piece when I cleaned it up!). So now I'm hopping all over the place. Man. I'm so glad this day is almost over. It sucked.“

„I had today off sick from work.“ – Měla jsem dneska volno z práce kvůli nemoci.
have off sick from work (school etc.) = mít volno z práce (ze školy atd.) kvůli nemoci

“I had the worst stomach virus (diarrhoea).“ – Mám tu nejhorší střevní infekci (průjem).

„I think it might have been caused by the tomato and capsicum soup I had for lunch yesterday LOL (which is a shame, as that's my favourite flavour and now I'm not going to want to eat that for awhile). – Myslím, že to snad mohlo být způsobeno rajčatovo-paprikovou polévkou, kterou jsem měla včera k obědu. (což je ostuda, protože tohle je můj oblíbený druh (polévky) a teď ji nebudu chtít chvíli jíst).

“it might have been caused“ – one of the ways of using present perfect indicating that things are not sure.
She didn´t speak, fearing that she might have said something she should not have said. - Nemluvila, protože se obávala, že by snad mohla říct něco, co neměla říct.

„To make this day even crappier (oh, bad choice of words LOL), in a mad dash to the bathroom this morning, I stepped on a piece of glass (I'd accidently dropped a glass yesterday and must have missed this huge piece when I cleaned it up!).“ – Aby tenhle den byl dokonce posranější (ó, špatný výběr slov) v bláznivém úprku do koupelny dneska ráno jsem šlápla na kousek skla (upustila jsem včera nechtěně sklenici a když jsem to uklízela, musela jsem ten velikánský kus vynechat!).

„to make this day crappier…“ – very useful phraze „to make something or someone + key word“, but sometimes it is not easy to translate to Czech.
To make a long story short I only tell that… - Abych ten dlouhý příběh zkrátil, jen řeknu, že…
He really made me smile every time I looked at him. – On mě opravdu rozesmál pokaždé, když jsem se na něj podíval.
You shold try to make her feel at home. – Měl by ses snažit, aby se cítila jako doma
We are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true. – Nikdy nám není dán sen, aniž by nám také nebyla dána síla ho proměnit ve skutečnost.
She glanced around to make sure no one was listening. – Letmo se rozhlížela, aby se ujistila, že nikdo neposlouchal.

„LOL“ – these letters stand for „laugh out loud“, often used in blogs

dash = this word has tens a tens meanings, in this case = úprk

„…must have missed…“ – special form of present perfekt, usually used for actions in the past that finished, so that past simple should be used. But the modal verb „must“ is an exception from the rule. We can say „It must be great!“ for presence, but „It must have been great!“ for past even though it is finished.
You surely know the song by Roxette „It must have been love... but it's over now“. Sometimes it is written "must've" and also pronounced this way "mastv"
Some other examples:
Somebody must have borrowed it, because it is not here. – Někdo si to musel půjčit, protože to tady není.
They must have known it was comming. – Museli vědět, že to příjde.
It must have happened. It must have something to do with how uptight he was. – Muselo se to stát. Muselo to mít něco do činění s tím, jak byl nervózní.

“So now I'm hopping all over the place. Man. I'm so glad this day is almost over. It sucked.“ – Takže teď poskakuji po celém místě (tedy po celém bytě). Člověče. Jsem tak ráda, že tenhle den je skoro u konce. Bylo to k naštvání.

“It sucked.“ – another very useful and common expression. The verb „to suck“ means to take liquid, air, etc. into your mouth by using the muscles of your lips, but in informal English it has other meaning. „It sucks!“ = Je to otrava, opruz, Štve to atd.