A bit poisonous present from US heat soil

While the north hemisphere is struggling with this horrible heatwave, the Kiwis are wearing gloves and scarves right now. They have been experiencing winter. More then that, they use Celsius unlike the Americans with their Fahrenheit. Jennifer from Seattle, USA, tried to explain to her friend called Harvest Bird from Sockburn, New Zealand, that the weather is way too hot in Seattle and also warn her against some candy she had sent her.

I called my long-suffering friends in New Zealand and had the following conversations:
Me: OH MY GOD! It's so hot.
Them: How hot is it?
Me: 94 degrees!
Them: I don't know what that means! What is it in celsius?!?
Me: ONE HUNDRED MILLION DEGREES!
(Harvest Bird noticed later: It was 4 degrees (celsius) here yesterday. You stole all our degrees!)
Me: I need to explain to you how to eat the candies I sent you!
Them: Um... I think we know how to eat candy, Jennifer.
Me: But not Dangerous Chinese Candy!
Them: I'm sure we can figure it out.
Me: NO! You'll DIE!
Them: You sent us stuff that will make us die?
Me: Yes. Poison is delicious*
-----------------------
* Dangerous Chinese candy is not actually poison! Just dangerous.

I guess it is easy to understand, if not here are some words:

long-suffering = bearing problems or another person's unpleasant behaviour with patience = trpělivý, shovívavý
candy = sweet food made of sugar and/or chocolate
figure out = vyřešit, vypočítat, vyčíslit, spočítat, rozřešit, pochopit, určit
stuff = hmota, materiál, textil, veteš, krámy, hadry, odpadky, nesmysl, cpát (se), napěchovat, vycpat, nadívat